N: 1. Yellow identification bracelet for fad-worshippers, presumed athletes, moral authorities, lemmings, sheep, and ducks.
2. Motto of Lance Armstrong (cyclist, Texan, cancer survivor, republican) and his devoted
legion. It is also
the name of what started as a charity drive but soon devolved into an insidious PR stunt. At press time, it's safe to say that
Livestrongmania has peaked. Fewer people are wearing them
and fewer still (laggards) are buying them
Seeing someone sporting the 'livestrong' is very helpful, because it may save you from
having to talk to them
for 10 minutes
out that they
are a tosser.
NOTE:The bracelet may have
magical powers, because it seems its wearers
are bestowed with
infinite wisdom, crystalline moral values, and certain athletic prowace.
MARKINGS: Livestrongers are a varied group, but you will note everything from hats with
to polo shirts with
the logo of some
software company on it. Favorite brands include Nike, Abercrombie and Fitch, Eddie Bauer, and GAP.
workspace is likely to have
not fewer than 40 pictures
children nestled among various inspriational quotes and motivational posters.
vehicle of choice
is likely an SUV or some
Volvo wagon, and will almost certainly have
a vanity plate with
the person's nickname on it. It will be covered with
stickers pledging allegiance to the President, stickers heralding the academic
achievements of their
children, and stickers to let fellow motorists know that they
on Nantucket or the Outer Banks.
HABITS: If you encounter a Livestronger
and you are not wearing the bracelet yourself, you will get a smug "tsk tsk" look
while inside they
quietly judge you. Many of them
a dehabilitating form of OCD where they
cannot spend 5 waking minutes
without checking their